sali

Hey all,                                                                              

this is dendron, i wrote this and read it at the memorial in Santa Cruz and was planning on reading it in tucson but we ran out of time, the first piece is a piece that goes with the song me and leah wrote about sali and the second piece i wrote specifically as a sort of performance piece, i sing the tyrese song which is a song that me and sali used to sing to eachother whenever we saw each other with our names in the place of "lady", i hope everyone is well, love to you all.......


Inhabit
I can see your eyes
swollen, piercing
always changing
you held your life in those eyes
taking in more than you could handle
but as much as you deserved
wild fuckin strength
knife in hand
always ready
you knew the violence of misogyny
not through women studies 101
but in your body
deep deep down
n those muscles you trusted
isolated muscles
to use for
dancing, hoping trains, sex
you worked out those memories
the hold they had on your life
through movement
self-reflection
writing and song
a blast of voice no longer repressed
confidence steaming like an engine
or a tea kettle eagerly announced
you are an ink blot
on sweaty notebook pages
a carefully crafted fur lined hat
a masterpiece with no master
chewing on life like there is
nothing else

they told me they killed you
with that deadly concoction
but i know
they never broke you
you broke
their hold on your body
long before you lost
inhabitation.


Sweet Sali

(To the tune of Tyrese "Sweet Lady")
Sweet Sali, would you be my
sweet love for a lifetime                                    
i'll be there when you need me                                             just call and recieve me.......

reunions, voicemeails, greetings  
our song of remembering, announcing
the strength that comes
from having each other's backs

I remember your body...
not as a lover does
but as someone who intimately
witnessed your process of
learning to love it
day by day
unfolding more and more
each time we saw each other
your graceful intention with
what you put into it
how you adorned it
what you did to keep it
strong and flexible
happy and able
and your struggle with it
the constant hating we are taught
the lifelong struggle
of relationship to food
self-harm and addiction
I remember when you started masterbating                           learning your body despite
the training of shame
you started to glow
in the satisfaction
of knowing your spots
of knowing "you dont need no man"

I remember your back...
muscles hold up gallons of water
piles of dirt, years of the trauma
of learning to be yourself
shoulders pop and crackle
the excitement, the power
of getting shit done

Sweet Sali, would you be my
sweet love for a lifetime   
i'll be there when you need me                                             just call and recieve me.......

I remember your hips
how you moved them that
crazy isolated figure 8 way
your immense joy in getting it just right
you taught me how to do it
one night at that little house you
lived at in portland
you said "bend your knees like this
start moving your hips
from side to side
making sure to keep your belly still
up and down
up and down
picture your hips drawing a figure 8
in the air
you got it, yes thats it, right on"
in your Sali supportive way

I remember your hands...
the dirt under your nails
how they moved like two birds
and all that you filled them with
freight train bars, animal skins, other
hands, fire, and plants, feathers and
leather, books and learning, joy, and
sharing, sowing, rocks, and charms
Swimming, you woudl use them
to keep your head above water
dancing, you would use them as accompaniment
playing, you would use them to tease
singing, you would use them
to pluck banjo strings
to make food for your puppy, belly
or give me a bomb as  massage
or tear apart meat for eating                                                or picking plants for making medicine
you took care of people with those hands
you healed people with those hands
you healed all of us with those hands.......

Sweet Sali, would you be my                                                sweet love for a lifetime              
i'll be there when you need me
just call and recieve me....

I remember your belly...
ungelating in the sunrise
peacock feathers and jingles of coins
sometimes you hated it
like i hated mine
and we hated together
but you started to use it as a tool
a part of you to guide your dancing
creating love between the folds
sometimes when we'd cuddle
I would feel it gently pressing against
my back as you spooned me
Your belly was home, comfort and close
You were home
Your body next to mine

I remember your neck
how the dirt would streak and speckle
how it would stretch
to look at stars
tops of trees
incoming trains
and the rain on your face
how you could lay your little head
against anything
to get some rest
your dreads wraping like snakes
the treasures that hung
like you were born like that
squirrel feet and all

Sweet Sali, would you be my
sweet love for lifetime                                                          i'll be there when you need me                                             just call and recieve me.......

I remember your feet...
how you would balance on train rails
on gravel roads
highway overpasses
forest trails and logs                                                            your dorky sandles you
salvaged from the free box
perfecting kicks in self-defense class
those feet that moved you across
states, across stages,
across every livingroom floor you could make space
for yourself in
that night in eugine at that show at
the crows nest
we glided across the dance floor
you and me
we were like butter
smooth and melting
like we rehearsed it
like magic
till we fell exhausted to the ground
heaps of sweat
and your smile was all i could see........

I remember your mouth.....
speaking the truth
how you felt, what you lived for
your insecurities, your strengths
screaming at the top of your lungs
on a fast train
blackberry juice staining your teeth
as you smiled that huge silly smile
the one where i knew you weren't
faking
With that mouth you got yourself through crisis
guided your self
talking in out and intuition
talking with me about bodies, family, resistance
sex, and trusting ourselves
comfort came from your mouth
affirmation and pride
you inspired with your words
and when you said something
it happened.
breathing slow to calm yourself down
gritting teeth to keep from screaming
your power, your passion, your life
force trying to escape your body
through that beautiful mouth                                                

Sweet Sali, would you be my
sweet love for a lifetime                                                       i'll be there when you need me                                             just call and recieve me.......

your blood flows through my veins
passion and vision
can never die
your message continues                                               through the terror that haunts
all of us

"If I cannot do what i believe,                                               then I am nothing."